The Ballad of the Apache Tracker (translated from the Russian)

This, from 2013, is based on the character in early episodes of the surreal drama podcast “Welcome to Night Vale” who claims to be an Apache tracker, even though he is neither and is, in fact, considered by most of Night Vale to be, as community radio host Cecil puts it, “a racist asshole.” Then he disappears, only to reappear months later as an actual Apache who, for unknown reasons, can only speak Russian, and sacrifices himself to save Carlos the Scientist (whose hair is legendarily perfect) when the tiny armies of the Underground City invade the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex…

It’s a very strange show, and in truth I haven’t kept up with it since the special episode where the citizens chased the evil StrexCorp out of town. (The last words are the Russian for Cecil’s signoff: “Good night, Night Vale. Good night.”)

Words and music by Joseph Abbott
Based on “Welcome to Night Vale” created by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor

With the winds blowing hot, I gaze across the sands
I’m a child of the desert, a child of the desert
Going home from the Ralph’s, I hit the Arby’s drive thru
They’ve got two for the price of one, two for the price of one

It’s not my fault I wasn’t born an Indian
Learning mystic secrets passed from father to son
How I’ve prayed to the sacred sun that I’d be
Somebody not me
Somebody not me
Somebody not me

At the Halloween store, I bought myself a headdress
It has real plastic feathers, real plastic feathers
Where the post office closed, I track down the message
Written on the wall in blood, written on the wall in blood

And part of me knows that it’s only a con
And part of me feels revelation coming on
Something at perception’s edge to be won, if you can be
Somebody not me
Somebody not me
Somebody not me

And suddenly I’m taken where the spirits all live
They have brought me to their world and they’re ready to give
Me their secrets– except they’re speaking Russian, I think
My face is changing – I’ll pay the price – and back down to earth I’ll sink…

Though you can’t understand me, I will warn you all the same:
They come from below, they come from below
I see a strike, I see a spare, I see a man with perfect hair
Your pie will not save you, your pie will not save you

But it’s OK, this is finally my hour
You can have my car, I’m being called by a higher power
And when they lay me down in my bower, you will see
Some body — not me
Somebody not me
Somebody not me
Somebody not me
Somebody not me

Spoken: Spokojnoj noci, Night Vale… Spokojnoj noci

This is the bio am I doing this right? Probably not.

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