I’ve Got a Thing (My Aunt Gave)

This is inspired by the old Infocom Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy text adventure by Douglas Adams and Steve Meretzky, based on the novel by Adams, which was in turn based on the BBC radio series by Adams, and so on back to the beginning of the universe. The “thing your aunt gave you which you don’t know what it is” is an inventory item in the game that always appears back in your pocket after a few turns no matter how many times you try to throw it away, which is just one of many absurdities in the game. You can play a graphically enhanced version at the BBC’s website.

Words: Joseph Abbott
Music: “She’s Got a Way,” Billy Joel

I’ve got a thing my aunt gave
I don’t know what it is
But it says that it’s made in Ibiza
It’s got a way of staying
I don’t know how it is
But it’s dropped and winds up in my pocket
Anyway

I used to have a planet
I don’t know why it is
That the Vogons had to atomize it
It’s very dark around here
I can’t see where I am
Or touch or hear or – wait, try smelling
Anything?

I heard the tree when it tumbled down
Apparently, the toothbrush was bound
Causally – I feel my head pound

She’s got a way about her
I don’t know what it is
But it hurt when she flew off with Zaphod
I’ve got a friend who’s alien
I don’t know how it was
I missed that he’s named for an auto
Anyway

It’s not like tea but I put it down
Plug in the leads, a buzzer sounds
Improbably, I get zapped around

I’ve got a thing my aunt gave
It holds a lot of stuff
I guess that that’s just what it’s for
I’ve got the Tea and No Tea
So I can save the day
While everyone is in the sauna
Conveniently