Idiot Ball

Based on the TV Trope (that site helpfully explains that Hank Azaria coined the phrase in writing-staff discussions when making the TV show “Herman’s Head”).

Words and music by Joseph Abbott

Most days you are competent and cool
Most days you will be nobody’s fool
But this day you won’t be like that at all
Today you’ve been given the Idiot Ball

Poke something you really shouldn’t poke
Wake something that shouldn’t have been woke
Refuse and the plot won’t go at all
So you get to carry the Idiot Ball

You know you’re the best in your field
(And to no one will you yield)
But this time your fate will be sealed
(The banana has been peeled)
Someone has to be brainless
Or else this tale we’re telling will finish way too soon
Up to now you may be stainless
But when it comes to stupid, you can’t be immune

Plug thumb drives into your secret net
Let mogwais get just a little wet
I know you’re intelligent and all
Congratulations, you get the Idiot Ball

You’re warned not to set the demon free
That’s something on which you can agree
But now the questline has gone into a stall
So you have to carry the Idiot Ball

You know the attack’s gonna fail
(And you have to help it fail)
You know that you’ll gnash and you’ll wail
(Oh boy, how you will wail)
Start a land war in Asia
Go in on a Sicilian when death is on the line
Don’t worry about that tiny risk
Go ahead and do it, I’m sure you’ll be fine

Once you were the expert to go to
Then you had a single job to do
Now if they remember you at all
They’ll remember that you carried the Idiot Ball

Now your name is greeted with a LOL
The poor sap saddled with the Idiot Ball