Hotel Draenor

From 2014, and two — soon to be three — World of Warcraft expansions ago. If you were playing an Alliance character the music that played in your garrison — your home base for the Warlords of Draenor expansion — had a chord progression resembling a certain Eagles tune…

Words: Joseph Abbott
Music: “Hotel California,” Don Felder (original lyrics: Don Henley, Glenn Frey)

‘Neath a dark desert portal
Chill wind in my face
Shock troops of the Iron Horde
Trashing up the whole place
Up ahead in the force field
I saw a shimmering light
Archmage Khadgar shouted “Now’s our chance—
It’s time to get in this fight.”

There we stood at the stairway
I heard the soldiers yell
And I was thinking to myself
Won’t be too long ’til we’re running like hell
But we captured the big tank
Blew the portal away
Prophet met us down at Shadowmoon
And I heard him say

Welcome to the fort for the Alliance
It’s such lovely ground
Best for miles around
You’re now in command of the fort for the Alliance
When the server’s clear
You can find it here

This land was broken and twisted
Or will be, guess it depends
I ride a lot of pretty, pretty roads
To seek out friends
How they dance in the tavern
Don’t know they’re dead
Tell them you’ll remember
In the quests up ahead

I get a call from the captain:
“Please deal with these birds” — and it seems like
I keep hearing this music play
But I can’t make out the words
And still the heroes keep coming from far away
Hit you up at the ending of a fight
Just to hear them say

Send me to the fort for the Alliance
Help me find the way
Let me join the fray
We’re building it up, this here fort for the Alliance
What a splendid home
Bring your draenic stone

The servers all are reeling
My character’s on ice — and she said
“We don’t think the problem is here
But on your own device”
In the shadowed chamber
Let the ritual begin
They stab you with their poisoned knives
And you have to start again

Last thing I remember
I was in a ghostly shell
I had to find some passage back
To the place my body fell
“Relax,” said the GM
“This ain’t called ‘World of Peace’
All those bugs will be worked out, I’m sure
By the next release…”

This is the bio am I doing this right? Probably not.

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